Toss the Feathers
by Ardvari
Summary: SPOILERS FOR 8x04! Grissom is thinking and then speaking and Sara is stunned because of said speech.


**A/N: **Thanks to Princessklutz04 for the beta. She said this was "squish-worthy" so go hug your neighbor, your cat, your gold fish or whatever. Spread the love like nutella on a warm toast. And beware of the **SPOILERS FOR 8x04**!!!!

**Toss the Feathers**

She didn't really talk about her conversation, if you could call it that, with Natalie after she got out of the hospital and I didn't ask. Mostly because I didn't know what to say, how to react and also because I thought that if she wanted to talk about it, she would come to me eventually. She always did.

And after a month of healing, a month of us growing closer than ever, she finally turned to me one night just after I had turned off the light. The dog was snoring softly by her feet, his favorite place ever since she's come home. Her hand found its way to my cheek with eerie accuracy and I felt her breath on my lips just before she kissed me.

"She said that you could never love me the way Ernie loved her." her tone was deliberately light but by now I was attuned to all the things she didn't say. Maybe more so than I was attuned to the things she _did_ say. There was a slight quiver to the lightness and I pulled her closer to me, causing the dog to make a tiny sound of displeasure.

"She's wrong." I stated because it was true and I was sure she knew.

She fell asleep in my arms that night and I was starting to make plans. I was starting to think about our future and one of the things I was sure of was that I needed her with me. Wherever life would take me or her, we needed to be together.

I'm not a huge romantic. Not because I hate that sentiment but because I simply don't know how to be. And while I'd spent weeks trying to figure out how to ask her to marry me, the right time never seemed to come up. Something always came up that prevented me from asking her. Her problems adjusting to swing, the new girl with all her questions, the fact that we met in the doorway of either the townhouse or the lab and that was the _only_ time we sometimes saw each other.

When she came to ask about the bees, I didn't think that would be the moment either. But there was something different about her. She was softer and while the vulnerability and the melancholy in her eyes made me cringe, I had to ask her. Well, I had to _suggest_ the idea to her.

"You know, maybe we should get married." It sounded as if I was suggesting to her to get a new bed or a new TV or a round dining table so we could fit more people. It sounded… not the way a proposal should sound but it was all I was capable of saying right then and there.

And then I watched the reaction on her face, the moment of "Did you just…?" and then the shock. Her jaw dropped a bit but she caught herself before it could hit the proverbial floor and she stared at me for a moment. That's when it hit me.

She really didn't know how much I loved her.

After a life of being pushed around in the foster care system, being forced to move, she had more scars than I had been willing to count.

After a lifetime of being left, of being alone with no one that stuck around for long to care for her, she was actually really shocked at my proposal. Because for the first time, someone didn't walk away from her.

I thought that after two years of being together, of deciding to move in together she was sure that I would stick around. She must have known. Then again, I'm not good with words and sometimes worse in my actions and I really couldn't blame her for that little voice in her head that told her that one day, it would all be over. One day I would just walk away from her and she would be alone again. Just as she had expected.

"You don't…" she started, still staring at me.

"Mean that? Yes I do." I liked finishing her sentences.

"But…"

Carefully I put the bee hive back together, closed it and took her hand to pull her away. The bees could wait. I dragged her behind me all the way out of the little area I used for studying the bees and when we stood outside the fence, I pulled off my hat and mask and let them drop to the ground before I did the same for her.

She didn't move a muscle as I smoothed her hair behind her ear and smiled at her. That dangerous brain of hers was still trying to process the information and she stared at me with wide eyes.

"Will you marry me?" I finally managed to actually _ask_ and stopped myself just before I could start pointing out the benefits of marriage to her. I was asking someone who thought marriage was a tad old fashioned, after all. This was dangerous territory.

"Gil…" she started, unsure of what she was supposed to say. The one time someone was trying to stay with her, she had to fight against the sudden idea that flight might be of the order now.

"Just… you know? Think about it?" I finally managed, watching as her mouth opened and closed a couple of times.

"Are you… are you serious?" Her voice was low, as if she was trying to contain something welling up deep inside her.

"Well… yes. I've been thinking about this for a while and I think it would be a good idea if we…"

"Why?" she cut me off, hung onto my hand, her eyes desperate.

I took a deep breath, looked into the chocolate pools of her eyes and sighed softly.

"Because Natalie was wrong, honey. I love you so much more than she could ever imagine. I'm not ever going to leave you and yes, I'm serious." I explained. My heart was starting to pound just a tad too fast and a little voice in my head kept telling me that she would say no for sure.

"Ask me again." she finally whispered, all bright eyes and a smile tugging on the corners of her mouth.

"Will you marry me?" Her hand in mine was warm and she squeezed it softly before she nodded.

"Yeah, I will." She tilted her head to the side the way she sometimes did when she was excited about something but wanted to hide it. Or when she was just a little embarrassed.

I swept her into my arms a bit clumsily and she laughed into my overall. Tears clung to her lashes when she looked up and I kissed her deeply and thoroughly, wiped the tears away and held her close for a while.

"I love you." she whispered close to my ear and I smiled and pressed a kiss into the crook of her neck.

The bees really could wait as our moment hung suspended on a string and danced up and down happily in the soft breeze of the afternoon.


End file.
